A Matter of Death and Life
- History & Biography
- Publisher: Resource Publications (Wipf and Stock)
- Published: 2025
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Publisher's Description
A memoir of caregiving for the author's elderly father in his last years, this book is also about the loss of a beloved career as a hospital chaplain and a reflection on the many "deaths" experienced throughout life. Family dysfunction and fierce love, recovery from addiction, regret and guilt, thanksgiving and hopefulness are woven through the saga of accompanying an infuriating, deeply loved parent to his death. The timeline of this memoir intersects with the beginning of the COVID pandemic, which made everything more complicated. Because the author is a pastoral theologian and preacher, biblical reflection is woven into the narrative, as well as reflections on mortality from other sources. Throughout, the author probes deeply into the realities of her own aging and death, providing insights that will be helpful to thoughtful readers of all ages as well as to other caregivers.
Endorsements (5)
“Because dying, like living, is seldom neat and tidy, finding a trustworthy guide about these matters is a precious gift. Equipped with wisdom hard earned from her years as a hospital chaplain, Alice Hildebrand reflects on the challenges and benefits, the risks and joys of accompanying an aging, somewhat cantankerous, yet beloved father through to his final days. No cheap sentiment here. Only fierce tenderness and savvy encouragement to honor one’s feelings, come what may.”
“If you are a caregiver—and many of us will be—you need this wonderfully honest memoir about caring for a fragile father in his last years. Reverend Hildebrand has not only been a caregiver, but she has also been a beloved local pastor and a hospice chaplain. She models support for oneself in very difficult times. Her memoir is a daring and intimate account that will be a solace to all caregivers.”
“In a moving and insightful book about caring for an elderly, dying parent, Alice Hildebrand weaves stories of faith, stories of Jesus’s compassionate ministry, with stories of her own efforts to be a loving daughter, an understanding wife, and a faithful disciple. Mostly she succeeds at the task, occasionally she fails, always she relates the journey clearly, beautifully, and in a way that leads the reader to consider how they would manage if asked to travel a similar path. Rarely does one encounter writing that is this honest, so intensely self-aware, and as touching as what one confronts in A Matter of Death and Life.”
“Alice Hildebrand—poet, hospital chaplain, minister, daughter—takes us on the end-of-life journey of her father. She confronts her own mortality and the mortality of the planet in a narrative that moves back and forth between the everyday practical concerns of a caregiver to the largest questions humans can ask. Her close observations, her unflinching assessments, and her evolving faith are woven together in a compelling narrative that wrestles with the complexities of love.”
“I read this book very carefully, taking notes on the things that caught my attention, gave me hope, or made me cry. I found it so helpful as I face the limitations of aging and a diminished capacity for doing the things that have, throughout my life, brought me meaning and joy. It is a book to be savored—a ‘sand mandala’ of poetic beauty to inspire the creation of our own, even in the midst of loss and death.”
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