Sexless in the City
A Sometimes Sassy, Sometimes Painful, Always Honest Look at Dating, Desire, and Sex
- Women
- Marriage, Family & Relationships
- Publisher: Zondervan
- Published: 2021
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Publisher's Description
Discover a renewed biblical vision for sex, singleness, and relationships, and transform into an empowered woman of faith equipped to navigate today's dating culture with vision, clarity, and freedom. Let's face it: being single in today's culture as a woman of faith can be a STRUGGLE FEST. But it doesn't have to be. With real talk and straight wisdom, speaker, podcaster, and founder of The Refined Woman Kat Harris says it's time for a new conversation about singleness, sex, and desire. Growing up at the height of the purity movement, Kat knew this much: good Christians don't have sex until marriage. But approaching 30 and thrust into the New York City dating scene, she found a set of rules was not a compelling enough reason to keep her clothes on. Caught between purity culture's rules and popular culture's do what feels good, Kat began a multi-year journey searching for answers to the biggest questions about sexuality and faith: What does the Bible really say about sex? Why does almost everyone deal with some sort of sexual shame? But really-- what's a single girl to do with her sexual desire? What if we never get married... then what? It turns out Kat was asking questions that countless women were dying to ask but didn't know they had the permission to do so. Hungry for clarity, she researched, wrestled, and discovered a God who wasn't afraid or ashamed of sex and desire as she thought He might be. In actuality, God created sex and desire within humanity and called it very good. Now she believes God desires to restore a generation disillusioned with purity culture and Christian dating, discouraged about their singleness, ashamed of their sexual desire, and uncertain how to practically walk this season out well. Join Kat on her messy, sometimes painful, and always honest journey to discovering God's heart for sexuality, desire, singleness, and our purpose within it all.
Endorsements (16)
“Kat doesn’t just write words, she speaks truth. I’ve known Kat for a decade and seen her live out every chapter of this book. With truth and real-life experience, her words will give you tools and equip you to dive into your own story and seek the heart of God when it comes to relationships.”
“In our sex-saturated culture, Christians constantly seek how to respond in both a compelling and compassionate way. Kat has done just that. Sexless in the City does a fantastic job of weaving together personal narrative with biblical truth and doesn’t shrink away from the hard questions people really want answered. You may not agree with everything in here, but you will be better for examining faith and sex through a holistic and biblical lens.”
“I know what it’s like to hide and crush my sexuality in the name of purity culture. I know what it’s like to see my self-image, my body, be warped and hindered by old ways of thinking. Harris invites us into an expansive, generous, biblical view of intimacy that is so needed. I wish I’d had this book when I was younger. But I’m glad we have it now.”
“Kat is sincere in her deep love for Christ and her desire to biblically wrestle with her questions around sex, sexuality, desire, singleness, femininity, relationships, and the way of Jesus. This book is vulnerable, biblically sound, and fastened tightly to the promises of God. It’s a book where sexual brokenness doesn’t get to have the final say. Instead, as you journey through its pages, you may just find freedom, healing, and restoration with our amazing God.”
“Kat Harris has written an incredibly insightful, bold, and challenging body of work in Sexless in the City. It is a genuine road map we can all follow to help lead us in discovering some of the answers to questions, concerns, and thoughts most people are afraid to talk about.”
“This is such an important discussion, and I am so thankful for the deep dive this book takes us on to educate us with truth on God’s intent for sexuality, roles, boundaries, purity, and the simultaneous struggle and joy it all can bring. This is a must-read!”
“Christians are notoriously bad at talking about sex. Sexless in the City is a layered and nuanced conversation around singleness and sex, dating and desire that people of faith need far more than they realize. Kat Harris shares her own journey with remarkable vulnerability—sparing no detail and granting no respect to cultural taboos—to invite readers to confront their own hidden struggles and fears. Remarkably, this book normalizes healthy discussion about sexuality without abandoning faith as irrelevant or dismissing the sacred Scriptures as antiquated. I recommend this book, but only for brave believers who are ready to be transformed by the renewing of their minds.”
“Raised in the stifling narratives of both purity and hook-up cultures, Kat Harris reminds us we needn’t pick a side: pure or impure, virgin or whore. With honest retellings of Bible stories, Kat presents an ever-loving God who desires his women embodied, aligned, and genuinely free. Away with the church’s vague pleasantries and unhappily-ever-afters; Sexless in the City offers a sacred sexual ethic that will actually work.”
“Throughout these words, Kat invites us on her personal journey of trusting God’s design for sex in her life. She’s honest, vulnerable, and relatable in the ways she has grown and been stretched in believing what God’s Word says about sex for the single girl.”
“Shout-out to Kat for tackling one of the most hidden and lied about topics in the church and beyond. From biblical truth to wild and fun stories, there’s no better read on moving from a life of secrecy to fully coming into our godly sexuality. Buy this book, read it intently, and get out of the dark about how God intentionally created us all.”
“Kat uncovers deep insight on topics more commonly swept under the rug or discussed only in whispers or shouts. This is what it looks like to be a woman who follows God, but does so shame-free. Let the light shine with clarity on the truth we all have missed along the way so that we can celebrate being whole, as we are, in the way God made us.”
“Kat is the voice of Christ-following women who believe there is more out there to who we are than what we’ve been taught. Kat has the courage to ask tough questions that so many feel too afraid or embarrassed to ask. Kat’s vulnerability and openness about her own journey help sweep away the pervasive shame about our bodies, sex, and pleasure and replace it with insight and empowerment about who God created us to be as human beings. Her words, wisdom, and biblical knowledge help set women free.”
Dr. Therese Mascardo
“Kat Harris honestly, and sometimes humorously, addresses issues that were wholly neglected by faith mentors and, dare I say, our own mothers. As Harris questions the shameful narrative many learned in their youth, she paints a new picture, one laced with grace and restoration. This book will prove to be an invaluable invaluable road map for women as they navigate their sexuality in this day and age.”
“At last! This is the book I wish I had when I was a young woman weighed down by shame about my sexual desire. These are the words I needed when I thought I’d be condemned forevermore. Kat gracefully undoes harmful purity culture narratives and replaces them with rooted biblical truth about the beauty of our sexual design. This is a beautiful, brave must-read!”
“we are free to ask the hard questions about romance, sexuality and the Bible, where the longing in our soul and the questions in our hearts can be heard, and answered. Whether you are married or single, Christian or not, this book packs a punch in practical takeaways and applicable wisdom.”
“Kat Harris is the vulnerable and bold voice you want to hear when it comes to unpacking single sexuality. She validates the confusing parts of finding a sexual ethic and then gives you a road map for finding your own. An excellent read!”
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